21 Reasons to Choose a Child-Free Lifestyle

If you’re of a certain age, you’re probably used to the barrage of questions about when you’re going to have kids. But let’s face it, not everyone is cut out for the non-stop excitement of sleep deprivation, dirty diapers, and well… you get the picture. For all you non-parents out there, here’s a comical look at 21 reasons why you’re probably breathing a sigh of relief right now. Parents, we love you, but please… don’t shoot the messenger!

#1. Your White Shirts Actually Stay White

Sure, patterns are fun. But stains in the shape of spaghetti-o’s? Not so much.

#2. The Backseat of Your Car Doesn’t Resemble a War Zone

You can find the seatbelts in your car without having to move a pile of toys, snacks, and the odd piece of clothing.

#3. Uninterrupted Showers are a Thing

Steaming hot shower without a small person demanding to know why giraffes have long necks? Heaven!

#4. You Can Still Have Spontaneous Trips

Feel like going on a last-minute vacation? No need to pack an army’s worth of diapers, wipes, and onesies.

#5. Your Food Is Yours, and Yours Alone

No tiny hands reaching for your plate or making you feel guilty for not sharing that slice of chocolate cake.

#6. Your Weekend Is Your Own

Two blissful days with no soccer practice, playdates, or birthday parties at loud play centers.

#7. You Don’t Have to Pretend to Enjoy Children’s Music

Admit it. You’d rather listen to nails on a chalkboard than one more round of “Baby Shark.”

#8. The Movie Theater Isn’t Just for Cartoons

You can watch a movie without talking animals, magic, or a moral lesson. Just once, you’d like a plot twist that doesn’t involve an evil stepmother.

#9. Your Savings Account is Actually Growing

Instead of being drained by unexpected school trips, you enjoy watching your hard-earned money pile up.

#10. You’re Not Constantly Exhausted

You’ve heard of “mom brain” and “dad bod”? You’re happily skipping both, thanks to full nights of sleep and time for the gym.

#11. Silence Really is Golden

You can hear yourself think, and it’s glorious.

#12. You Don’t Have to Share Your Tech Toys

Your phone isn’t a pacifier, and your tablet isn’t a sketchpad for toddler doodles.

#13. You Can Have Nice Things

That designer rug? It’s not going to be a canvas for crayon artwork anytime soon.

#14. The Phrase “I’m Bored” Doesn’t Exist in Your Home

Boredom is a luxury you can afford, and you’re not constantly scrambling to keep someone entertained.

#15. You Can Swear Without Fear

No little parrots around to repeat your choice words in front of your in-laws.

#16. Your Friends With Kids Look At You With Longing

They love their little ones, but sometimes, you catch them glancing at your freedom with a twinge of jealousy.

#17. You’re the Cool Aunt or Uncle

You get to spoil them rotten and then hand them back when they start crying. It’s the best of both worlds.

#18. No Homework, Ever Again

You did your time in school. You’re not going back, not even to help with algebra.

#19. Your Vacations Don’t Center Around Kid-friendly Activities

You can explore the world at your own pace without worrying about nap times and kiddie meals.

#20. Your House is (Relatively) Clean

No Lego minefields or sticky handprints in places you can’t even reach. It’s a beautiful thing.

#21. You’re the Master of Your Own Time

You’re not beholden to school schedules, extracurricular activities, or pediatrician appointments. Freedom never felt so good.

We’ve laughed, but remember that parents are heroes in their own right (even if their capes are covered in spit-up). If you have a tiny human and managed to read this without getting interrupted, consider this your standing ovation!

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The post 21 Reasons to Choose a Child-Free Lifestyle first appeared on Edge Media.

Featured Image Credit: Shutterstock / Nataliya Dmytrenko.