Nigel Farage has decided to skip campaigning in Scotland, citing safety concerns, which have elicited howls of derision from north of the border. Here’s the full story.
Too “Feart” for Scotland
Nigel Farage, the fearless leader of Reform UK who has bravely stepped up to the plate at the last moment to lead his party to victory over his long-standing opponents, is, as the Scots would say, too “feart” to come to Scotland.
Danger in the Highlands
During a recent campaign to the wild and lawless lands north of the border, Richard Tice, the party’s previous leader who was unceremoniously replaced by Farage when it looked like it might benefit him, revealed that Farage’s earlier experiences of Scotland had led to this unusual decision.
Security Concerns
Asked about Farage’s notable absence, Tice told a reporter from the Daily Record at the Grangemouth refinery and petrochemical plant, “He’s on great form, and he is incredibly busy. But in all seriousness, actually, the last time he did come to Scotland, it was dangerous, frankly, and, you know, that’s a tragedy.”
Nonexistent Threats
When questioned further, Tice could not recall any particular incidents when the fearsome and ruthless people of Scotland had put Farage in danger.
Brush With Protest
The closest Farage has come to any sort of danger in Scotland was in 2013 when he was met with, God help him, around 50 protesters who chanted at him.
Lucky Escape
Following his near-death brush with a few Scottish left-wing and independence activists, Farage was bravely escorted away in a police van.
Close Call
More recently, in 2023, Farage hosted an episode of his controversial GB News show in Aberdeen, though thankfully, he was able to escape before the presumably baying Scottish crowds tore him limb from limb.
Double Standards?
Though Tice claimed that Scotland was too dangerous because some protesters were noisy near him, Farage has, in fact, been assaulted several times while campaigning in England.
Strategic Visit
Presumably because of the hordes of rampaging Scots, Richard Tice’s visit to the country marked the first appearance of a major Reform UK in Scotland during the election campaign.
Media Fixation
Showing that even when Tice is being interviewed, the media only care about Farage, reporters, instead of asking Tice why he was in Scotland, instead asked if it were likely Farage would visit before election day.
Polling Concerns
Reform UK is currently polling at 7% of the vote in Scotland, according to YouGov, less than half of their poll results in England, giving a possible idea why Farage wouldn’t risk his time, or indeed his safety, coming to visit Scotland.
Internal Struggles
However, Farage’s well-founded and not at all ridiculous fear of the insatiably violent people of Scotland was not Reform UK’s only problem.
Scottish Independence
It turned out that David Kirkwood, the party’s deputy chairman in Scotland, was revealed to have previously supported the SNP and voted for Scottish independence in 2014.
Ignorance or Strategy?
Incredibly, Tice admitted that he didn’t know if any of Reform UK’s candidates currently support Scottish independence, leading Craig Hoy, the Scottish Conservative chairman, to call the admission “astonishing”.
Political Calculus
As the general election approaches, Farage’s decision to avoid Scotland due to the “dangers” of Scotland, despite never having been in danger in Scotland, serves as a stark reminder that Reform UK candidates often speak before they have entirely thought through what it is they’re going to say.
English Focus?
With recent Reform UK candidates who have praised Hitler or argued that Putin wasn’t such a bad guy, Tice’s comments about Scotland are perhaps not the most egregious statements any member of that party has made.
Past Controversial Comments
Ian Gribbin, Reform UK’s Bexhill and Battle candidate, was forced to apologise last week after it emerged that he had written online that “Britain would be in a far better state today had we taken Hitler up on his offer of neutrality.”
Last-Minute Outreach
However, it shows that, despite their claims to the contrary, Reform UK is focused mainly on winning seats from the Conservatives in England and, with only days left before the election, suddenly remembered that Scotland was part of the UK and that, instead of raving lunatics who desire nothing more than death and destruction, voters live there.
Electoral Impact
It remains to be seen if Farage’s deep-seated fear of the legions of marauding psychopaths north of the border will affect his party’s election in Scotland.
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Grant Gallacher is a seasoned writer with expertise in politics and impactful daily news. His work, deeply rooted in addressing issues that resonate with a wide audience, showcases an unwavering commitment to bringing forth the stories that matter. He is also known for satirical writing and stand up comedy.